3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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