did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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