So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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