So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
