I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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