I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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