Barsexuality is the new black.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
