sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
