Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
