Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
