new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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