Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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