I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
