I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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