and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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