next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
