You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
