Actions speak louder than pants.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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