i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
