"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize