no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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