Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
