i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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