Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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