then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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