I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
