Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
