____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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