Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
