i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
