Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have fence marks all over my body
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
