Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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