i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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