It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
