we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
