you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
