Your face is a jimmy john
She said her name was "party"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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