there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
