I could make wine with my vomit
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
