yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dick very happy bro
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
