Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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