Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
