So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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