She's JV to your varsity
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
