im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
