I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
