At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
