I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
