I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
