he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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