My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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