i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
