with your own penis?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We have started to decorate penises.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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