Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
