walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
