Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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