he puts the penis in happiness.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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