actually, I'm a sock model
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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