I just saw a hot homeless man
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
