watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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