Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
