playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
