I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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