Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
