I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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