Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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