she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
