Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
