i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
