I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
