i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
