awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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