im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
