We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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